My sheets look like a crime scene.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
