you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
