i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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