dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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