You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
