Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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