I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
