I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
