I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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