Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
