thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
