evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
