He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
