grandma shit on top of the toilet
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
