Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
