had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
