You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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