his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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