apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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