I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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