Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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