Apparently you make a good broom.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
