playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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