Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
