why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
