I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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