i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
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