So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
