he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
