You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
