I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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