Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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