And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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