U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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