All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Did we literally take a cab across the street
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
