peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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