Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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