he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
