I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
