Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How external is "for external use only"?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
