I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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