Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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