Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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