just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he was CRYING into my vagina
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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