Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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