I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
