I hate your face
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i will never coherently bang her
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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