I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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