We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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