youre lurking in front of me
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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