I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
