dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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