Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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